Caring for someone struggling with addiction is an incredibly painful and confusing experience. You may feel overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions—anger, guilt, grief, or shame—as you watch someone you love suffer, knowing deep down that something needs to change. It’s important to remember that while you can’t control their behavior or force them to stop, your courage and support can still make a powerful difference in whether they get addiction treatment and seek wellness.  

First, Learn About the Disease of Addiction

There are many myths and stigmas regarding substance use disorder (SUD) and alcohol use disorder (AUD). For example, Psychology Today references some of the most common, including, but not limited to: 

• “Addicts could quit any time they wanted.” 
• “Only certain types of people get addicted.”
• “Alcohol is less dangerous than other drugs.”
• “People must hit ‘rock bottom’ to recover from addiction.”
• “Addiction is a bad choice.” 

If you’ve ever believed any of these to be true, this thinking may cloud what you really need to know or your ability to be objective. And it’s understandable—after all, you never imagined you’d face something like this. 

Quick points to remember: 

• Addiction is a chronic disease. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reinforce this fact and continue to explore the science of SUD and AUD.
• Addiction is treatable. Believing this helps take a logical approach to recovery, just as you would with someone who has another chronic illness, such as diabetes or heart disease. 
• Treatment should be tailored to the individual. There isn’t a universal approach that heals everyone with AUD or SUD. So, rehabilitation must include various techniques, including medical management, talk therapy, family involvement, nutritional counseling, co-occurring disorder analysis, and other methods that address all root causes of your loved one’s disorder.

In addition to NIDA and NIAAA, here are more resources that provide fact-based information about SUD and AUD you can use in your research:

• Al-Anon Family and Friends Groups
• American Association for the Treatment of Opioid Dependence
• American Society of Addiction Medicine
• Find Treatment.gov
• Nar-Anon Family and Friends Groups
• Partnership to End Addiction
• Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services National Helplines
• Veterans Crisis Line

Prepare Your Conversation

Facing the situation head-on and having honest, compassionate discussions about seeking help is not only difficult but also necessary for your loved one’s survival. You may clearly see the dangers that addiction brings, but true recovery can only begin when they recognize the problem and agree to get help. 

In fact, they might actually be in denial about having a problem, and try to put you on the defensive about your observations and concerns. As much as you don’t want to consider someone you love having manipulative tendencies, this is often a common behavioral trait of someone struggling with AUD or SUD.

In an article for Choosing Therapy, psychotherapist Joyce Marter notes that certain types of conversations, regardless of the topic. Before diving into the conversation, take time to outline your key points and objectives. Marter suggests asking yourself questions such as, “Why is the conversation important to me?” and “What is the ideal outcome of this conversation?” 

Also consider the following:

• Plan for an appropriate time. Consider less confrontational times to converse when there aren’t other distractions or interruptions. Also, make sure they aren’t under the influence of alcohol or substances at the time you decide to talk about the problem. 
• Outline the facts. Based on your research, create detailed observations of behavioral, psychological, or physical changes that indicate a problem with addiction. 
• Rehearse with a trusted advisor. This may be a physician, a drug and alcohol treatment counselor, a 12-step program leader, an intervention coordinator, or a member of your spiritual guidance team.  

Approach the Topic Respectfully

Although your feelings of anger or concern are valid, do whatever you can to avoid going on the attack. Much of this control comes from your demeanor and the type of language you choose. 

Start in a place of compassion and respect. Remember, you’re trying to bridge the gap that addiction created and help your loved one see the value of getting well. Then, ask if they’re willing to hear your concerns. Hopefully, the more calm and collected you are, the easier it will be for your loved one to understand the seriousness of the situation. 

Use non-confrontational language and “I” statements. If every sentence starts with “you” this and “you” that, this is the equivalent of actively pointing a finger at someone’s chest. Good Therapy suggests that you present observations with open-ended response invitations, such as: 

• “I feel anxious when you come home late and can’t explain where you’ve been. Help me understand what’s happening.”
• “I’m concerned about the behavior displayed when we went out last week. It seemed like you had too much to drink, and this seems to be happening more often. Why is that?”
• “I’ve noticed it’s challenging for us to pay bills before the due date. What do you think is contributing to this issue?”

If you feel having this conversation is too much for you to do alone, it might be necessary to stage a professional intervention. 

Find More Resources at Recovery Mountain

This is a difficult time, but you don’t have to handle it alone. Recovery Mountain in Tilton is a residential and outpatient treatment center and part of the network of Sobriety Centers of New Hampshire. We want you and the person you love to have every confidence in our professional, evidence-based medical treatment approach. Talk to a member of our admissions team today to learn how we can help.