When you make the conscious effort to focus on health and sobriety, there’s a lot to celebrate. There are also some unexpected challenges, including loneliness and boredom. If you want to improve your recovery success, a sober social circle is a support network you can count on.
Why We All Need Connection
Berkeley ExecEd notes that “millions of people in the U.S. experience chronic loneliness, which is strongly associated with lower self-reported physical health, mental health, and quality of life. It is also related to higher rates of depression, anxiety, insomnia, and suicide ideation.” Too often, especially in addiction recovery, many people in recovery feel isolated, afraid, shameful, and conflicted.
However, when you establish a social network of compassionate individuals, you have people who understand what you’re going through and, more importantly, are invested in helping you move forward. Military veterans from all branches commiserate in establishments created just for them. Online groups for artists provide resources and opportunities. New moms frequently discuss their highs and lows of parenting with each other at playdates. Regular meetings of 12-Step programs are havens for many people in recovery.
These and other examples of connection are the foundation for better living. Strong social ties provide an integral support system—and you’ll be healthier as a result. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) outlines some key benefits, which we provide verbatim:
Social connection can help reduce the risk of chronic disease and serious illness, such as:
- Heart disease
- Stroke
- Dementia
- Depression and anxiety
Social connection can lead to longer life, better health, and well-being. It can improve:
- Our ability to manage stress, anxiety, and depression
- Healthy eating habits and physical activity
- Quality of sleep
With your sober network, you’ll have a stable foundation from which to build your comfort zone, ease into social situations, and have essential support for your recovery goals.
15 Ways to Establish Your Sober Social Circle
Although you may be able to rely on dedicated family and friends, even the most committed individuals in your life might not truly understand the scope of recovery and what’s necessary to maintain it. Addiction can be hard to talk about, so sometimes it’s easier to develop relationships with people who know where you’ve been on this journey, and know where you want to go in the future.
The CDC offers numerous suggestions for improving your social connectedness, such as:
- Envision what types of positive relationships you’d like to have.
- Find people who share your interests and goals.
- Dedicate time to contact others who care about your well-being.
- Show genuine interest and enthusiasm in another person’s good news.
- Don’t let screen time distract you from connecting with people in person.
- Develop better communication skills such as:
- Active listening (paying attention to what someone is truly saying and responding without judgment)
- Reflective listening (ensuring the person you understand what they’re talking about by “reflecting” some of their ideas and concerns in your responses).
- Take steps to address conflict or negative feelings when they arise.
- Choose to invest time and share interests with individuals you really care about.
- Find ways to share the things you’re already doing, such as exercising or cooking with others.
- Get involved in your community.
- Respect individual boundaries and be aware of different obligations people might have.
- Be willing to share your vulnerabilities in the right context, such as at 12-Step meetings.
- Become more comfortable with extending invitations and accepting them from others.
- Learn how to be responsive, supportive, and grateful to others.
- Strike a balance with aspects of connection. For example, you don’t want to overwhelm someone with text messages but sharing a laugh or asking how they are on a particular day helps keep you in touch.
You don’t have to do all these things with everyone. Maybe start with a couple of people at your next peer support or group counseling session who you seem to identify with the most. This could be the beginning of a sober social circle that’s mutually beneficial and built on quality, not quantity.
And remember: even if you’re more the strong, silent type, being with other people who “see” you with an understanding of your struggles and joys gives you a greater sense of belonging—which helps reinforce your sobriety choices.
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